Are the ideas I am compelled to write simply messages I have in another time and place left for myself to help me remember my soul’s mission?
Checkpoints internally engraved to guide my journey to where I am meant to arrive? Do I somehow already know the path ahead and in a greater realm of reality I was given the gift of enlightenment to use in the lives I will live over the course of my perceived eternity?
Do we live life unaware of the game, unaware of the objective and blinded of the truth in it all… Are each of our lives a needed existence in order to advance humanity? Are we individual vessels called upon as a collective to illuminate the essence of one?
You’re everywhere and nowhere and some days the longing for you is more than my heart can bear and on others that same longing produces the brightest light my life has known guiding my journey to what I have to believe it was always meant to be…
Can you imagine the disconnect and insanity of existing… lost…somewhere between those two extremes??
It is a heartache I wish for no one and yet a gift I wish for all. You are my greatest weakness, my addiction, the needle I can’t put down. You remain the fix that I chase and the ghost that I can’t outrun.
Yet out from your shadow, I have learned to see my greatest strengths. Healing the wounds you never even took the time to see, much less mend. The forgotten pain you so easily inflicted upon my soul time and time again is slowly dissipating.
I have overcome the worst of it, I must tell myself a thousand times a day, sometimes simply to make it through the day.
A constant internal reminder set to keep my heart inline with my head and the inescapable truth that lives there now.
The honest reward I will have fought tirelessly for. For in letting the last pieces of you fade from my heart I will have climbed the mountain of my life.
I will have gone the distance and I will have created the beautiful life I had always known I was eternally forsaking if I continued to love you more than myself.
When I stopped being who I’d been, I became who I am. If I had a thousand lifetimes to live out the past nine months over and over in the hopes to string together a perfect sequence of words in which to capture all that I have learned, it would remain impossible. And yet what is truly impossible? Nothing. Therefore maybe when we find ourselves unable to do something to express something to be something the answer is as simple as we are not meant to.
I can not tell you what a peach tastes like to you nor can you tell me how you see the colors of a sunset. However, maybe that is not relevant. That is information we all assume. But why? Why do we blindly assume that everyone else knows exactly what and how we see things?
I believe it is attributed to the very basic essence within our souls that remembers the oneness of humanity. The pieces within that connect each and everyone of us. Why can we assume we know what it feels like to cold but we can’t empathize and relate on matters that don’t directly pertain to us.
We can’t remove the same walls it takes within our minds to know what a flower smells like to another human being yet when we watch them pray to a god that isn’t our own or love a man or woman we do not accept we have a great disconnect. Millions of people suddenly become aliens to each other and a great divide is formed. A gap in humanity that needs to be bridged before we all fall into the dark hole that is isolation caused by the lack of love.
We allow our own sufferings and judgements cloud our ability to see the world as organically whole as it could so easily be. Wars are not fought between men that see it is really only a reflection of themselves standing across the field. Yet they kill each other.
People judge what they think they don’t understand or agree with or disapprove of, when all along there wasn’t a question asked or opinion needed. For If you know how love, how loss, how faith and how hope feel to you…you understand the world.