Can’t sleep knowing you can…

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You’re everywhere and nowhere and some days the longing for you is more than my heart can bear and on others that same longing produces the brightest light my life has known guiding my journey to what I have to believe it was always meant to be…
Can you imagine the disconnect and insanity of existing… lost…somewhere between those two extremes?? 
It is a heartache I wish for no one and yet a gift I wish for all. You are my greatest weakness, my addiction, the needle I can’t put down. You remain the fix that I chase and the ghost that I can’t outrun.
Yet out from your shadow, I have learned to see my greatest strengths. Healing the wounds you never even took the time to see, much less mend. The forgotten pain you so easily inflicted upon my soul time and time again is slowly dissipating. 
I have overcome the worst of it, I must tell myself a thousand times a day, sometimes simply to make it through the day. 
A constant internal reminder set to keep my heart inline with my head and the inescapable truth that lives there now.
The honest reward I will have fought tirelessly for. For in letting the last pieces of you fade from my heart I will have climbed the mountain of my life.
I will have gone the distance and I will have created the beautiful life I had always known I was eternally forsaking if I continued to love you more than myself.

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